What if everyone finds out that I’m a fake?

Words Count | Gary Barwin on Writers' Self Love and Hate

Writers’ Self Love and Hate

For most of this I talk about something that isn’t my favourite subject: me. I hope, though, that it's clear that what I'm talking about applies to most writers, perhaps in different ways, and we all have to manage feelings around both "success" and "failure" as writers and as people. And I hope also, as Whitman said, “All I mark as my own you shall offset it with your own,/ Else it were time lost listening to me.” To be honest, it’s not that what I’m saying here is new, but it's something that I think isn’t spoken about enough, especially among writers. And ok, maybe I am my favourite subject and just don’t realize it. I mean, let’s take a moment to think about my hair. Wow. Good. Now here goes:

I’m a goddamn genius! Love me! I just got the cover design and blurby words for my new novel. It’s a really beautiful cover and the words are really fantastic. They make the book sound amazing. And they said some tremendously complementary things about me and my work. 

This should be good, right? Of course it is. I mean, it’s good for the book and for attracting unsuspecting readers. And I’m flattered and all. However, it makes me think about that oh so difficult of issues. What to do about positive feedback? It can make you uncomfortable. (Negative feedback is another thing — thanks, Dad! — but maybe what I say here about its opposite also applies.)